RUINESS

everything is so embarrassing still critical interior pressure builds caught looking thru the crack in the door so bright, so destructive i want it wish i couldve figured it out before i grew up enough to dodge the question wish i couldve given it all i had and crashed and burned or been anything better than another name fading into radiation i dont wanna be known i just wanna be seen let me go drop me let me be free im falling in between everything dear to me it never ends where the fuck do i belong and why can i never commit to it? is this all there is? why can't i need anything without it always being forbidden? i learned to be afraid of myself now im always on the edge always looking in the bleak truth remains it never goes away stupid fucking puppets haven't u heard? whatever u think of me it's worse i dont have anywhere to turn and i like it just wish i could still trust myself nobody can ever return true contact once it occurs avoid the eyes and never try to look back ive complicated so much shit in my cowardice when all that i wanted was just for someone to see me but that is not who i am anymore i can see her behind me no life in her eyes i pull myself again to my feet i cannot ever let go ill act my age and fucking fade away and give up all control and never show anything i wish someone would tell me all my hidden parts will become known threat or comfort, i dont care as long as i can have the hope that im not alone